oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
