I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
