Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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