I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
