one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize