Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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