And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
