this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
