So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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