Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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