Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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