escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
