Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
