I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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