it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
