I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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