Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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