Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
