I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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