thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
