Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize