I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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