I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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