I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
