So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
