I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
