you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize