She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
