You really coming over, don't trick.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
