If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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