I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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