ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
