This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
