I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
