Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
