Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
