yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
