i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
