I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
