I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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