I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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