When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
