So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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