just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
