I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize