just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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