it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
