she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
