They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
