Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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