He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
