if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
