I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
