I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize