She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
