I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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