The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
