I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
