I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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