Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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