like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
