I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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