in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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