I want to walk on stilts...naked
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
