also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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