dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
