Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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