he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So here I am, sexting at work.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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