I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
