the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
