the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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