I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
