jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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