does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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