Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
