My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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