We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
