I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize