awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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