I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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