dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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