my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
