he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
