I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
