I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
