Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
