You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
