remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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