Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
