Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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