I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
