Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
