we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
