It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
