5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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