I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize