I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
