I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize