I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i've created a new STD.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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