this just has baby written all over it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
