what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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