he puts the penis in happiness.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
