I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
