The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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