I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
