I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
