you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
