I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
