I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
