so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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