You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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