i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
