All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
