Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
