He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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