I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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