Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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