dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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