Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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