Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my phone needs a breathalizer
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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