She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
