i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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