Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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