I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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